I am interested in how subculture self-consciously dramatizes violence through daily rituals, habits, and pastimes, thereby implicating the photographer and viewer as consumers of that violence.This series of images comes from an ongoing project, “The Lurkers”. The project uses an annual event at a dystopian compound in the northern Appalachian region of the United States to illustrate the photographer’s longings for a lost youth.I use the camera to depict youthful abandon while at the same time reconciling with my own reality of growing older. Within this context I end up producing images that fetishize youth. I have used the camera to turn disturbing, vulgar and excessive events into desired activities. I interact and immerse myself in the activities of the kids that surround me. I do the drugs they hand me and mimic their behavior with a longing to fit in. This project is not documentation. I am not accurately reflecting my surroundings through the cameras lens. I willingly cross ethical boundaries to insert myself in the experience with the focused intent to produce a hyper-real depiction of youthful abandon that is based on real events.